y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
