I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
