And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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