K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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