i wish my penis had a tongue
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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