We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
