I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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