Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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