Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am puke
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
