And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize