i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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