Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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