i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
