yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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