I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
