should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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