Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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