If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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