is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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