how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
