Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
