so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize