found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
