All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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