Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
