just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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