He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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