So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
