Just fell off a train. Bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
