FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
