youre lurking in front of me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
