I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i'm inner monologue high
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
