I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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