Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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