On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am spending my child support on dildos
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
