i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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