just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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