This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
