I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
