Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We got so high we made milksteak
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
