That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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