Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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