Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
