i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sarcasm needs its own font
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
