why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
