I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
