ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
