Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
