dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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