can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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