If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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