yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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