Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
