I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
