i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
