The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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