Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
