Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
