I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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