he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
