I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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