Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

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  (330): so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv. http://tfl.nu/d9vr
  Replies (61) Good night (2172) Bad night (592)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

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  (303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow? http://tfl.nu/hnqf
  Replies (12) Good night (3259) Bad night (805)
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  (925): View more from California

  when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?

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  (925): when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober? http://tfl.nu/qjrt
  Replies (30) Good night (857) Bad night (2014)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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  (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178
  Replies (345) Good night (3043) Bad night (17472)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (681) Bad night (3316)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

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  (803): I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone. http://tfl.nu/wy7e
  Replies (14) Good night (3920) Bad night (1870)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3895) Bad night (1033)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.

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  (484): He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it. http://tfl.nu/m1ps
  Replies (6) Good night (631) Bad night (1589)
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  (323): View more from California

  Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets

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  (323): Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/6rmt
  Replies (9) Good night (1440) Bad night (1142)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  fuck our hall.

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  (517): the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story. (1-517): fuck our hall. http://tfl.nu/9mns
  Replies (7) Good night (583) Bad night (1572)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.

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  (978): It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking. http://tfl.nu/nj2t
  Replies (5) Good night (1460) Bad night (501)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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  (563): I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused. http://tfl.nu/bg7n
  Replies (6) Good night (628) Bad night (443)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

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  (317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (287)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.

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  (512): The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know. http://tfl.nu/ghx8
  Replies (1) Good night (616) Bad night (266)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.

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  (660): I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox. http://tfl.nu/jszg
  Replies (1) Good night (231) Bad night (224)

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