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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.

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• (949): View more from California

  either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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• (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?

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• (831): View more from California

  i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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• (305): View more from Florida

  why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i hope they name him Joffrey

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay

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