I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay