How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless