I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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