I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
