No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
