But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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