you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
