That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
