I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
