All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Operation Purity has been aborted
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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