The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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