im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
