Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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